The childhood of each individual forms deep-rooted experiences for each subsequent level of life. Including, how they express and receive love in adult relationships.
Family and marriage counselor Dr. Milan and Kay Yerkovich share 5 types of influential love in romantic life. To understand how individual love grows and develops, we can learn from the following five types of love.
1. The Pleaser
Individual with type pleaser growing up in a family that is quite protective with angry parents and critics. As children, they are always required to be good children.
Child with type pleaser did not get comfort. They just try to make parents comfortable.
Growing up, individuals with the type of love pleaser very uncomfortable with conflict. They often find it difficult to be in a conflicting situation so they choose to avoid confrontation.
They try to read the mood someone and make sure that person remains happy. This is why when the type of love pleaser under pressure, they are very tired of the relationship they have.
Love type pleaser make individuals have less realistic goals. Instead of building healthy relationships, they are just too independent of themselves but focus on meeting the needs of others.
Love type pleaser will succeed in relationships if he wants to be honest with his feelings, rather than trying to be what others want.
2. The Victim
Children who grow up with the type of love victim, usually has a messy family history. They try to make peace with tough parents, grow into quiet figures, and hide their identities.
They often build their own world of imagination as a diversion of pressure in everyday life. Love type victim have self-esteem who are low and fight for anxiety and depression.
They will probably marry a couple who also had the same environment when they were little. But from here, they learn a lot to let life flow.
Although not uncommon, the type of love victim it requires a pressing situation to get a more calming experience. To form a stable relationship, this type must learn self-love and how they persist in each situation rather than letting the couple go.
3. The Controller
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Children with love type controller growing up in families that fail to provide security or protection. He learned to pay attention to himself too hard.
They secure themselves from negative feelings, fears, or feelings of helplessness. Love type controller use anger as their weapon or strength.
This type of love does not like the comfort zone because it means that nothing can be controlled. Love type controller solve the problem by issuing the firmness and even the anger they have.
To form stable relationships, this type of love needs to learn relaxation, trust in your partner, and control their emotional side.
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4. The Vacillator
Those who grow as types vacillator have unpredictable parents. As children, they learn not to depend on parents.
This is because they get inconsistent affections, so many of these types of love experience fear that is not shown. When children of this type are noticed by parents, they sometimes are angry or reluctant to accept.
In adulthood, this type of love looks for a partner to pay attention to consistently. They have a tendency to create ideal relationships. But when that relationship doesn’t materialize, they will be very disappointed.
Love type vacillator often misunderstand the experience received, both in internal conflict and emotional stress in relationships with partners. They can be very sensitive but are indifferent to changes experienced in relationships.
Healthy relationships are obtained if this type of love learns to know and understand couples first before committing. This was done as an effort to minimize disappointment.
5. The Avoider
Love type child avoider growing up in families that lack affection, so they become independent and quite resilient. As a child, love type avoider learn to keep himself from childhood from anxiety and lack of comfort.
They have a logical way of thinking and don’t let emotions control when making decisions. To form healthy relationships, love types avoider need to understand how to express emotions honestly.
Habits or characters that we have now, more or less is the result of the formation of past experience. After knowing which type, at least you understand what your partner wants and how to build healthy relationships.
Also Read: 8 Types of Love that Humans Have, Which Type of Your Love?